It's a good thing I didn't buy a domain for this. I'd be dead broke. Not that anyone read what I post. I'm not that witty a writer anyway.
But it sure beats someone opening your cupboard in the dead of night and sneaking a peek into your diary.
Anyway, a lot has happened since my last entry. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis when all I wanted badly right now is Guitar Hero Metallica for my 36th Birthday.
With a pathetic account balance in all my banks and the constant 'when can we expect to receive your payment?' calls from the neighborhood friendly debt collectors, I think I'll just have to satisfy my desire by carefully locking that longing together with my other dreams, ambitions, desires and 'what-ifs'.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Bite Me
I've put this off for too long. Everytime I started on a paragraph of this entry, I'd erase it and turn to something less strenous like going to Wiki and researhing Forks, Washington. I know more about the weather conditions in Forks than I care to remember. It's as bad as when a while back, I was so into Orange County that I get more information on the Real Estate situation in that part of California than the COV of my own flat.
Why do I bother so much about a place almost 24 hours away by plane from my own sunny home these days? I don't know. I have no idea what came over me. Maybe it's the stress and the depression I felt lately. Pure escapism so to speak. Something far and remote from the endless pile of mounting bills and forever dodging phone calls from credit card companies baying for my blood.
It surfaced innocently enough. I've seen the book displayed under 'bestseller' in bookstores. I've picked up the thick volume a gazillion times and I've put it down a gazillion times too. I never did have the desire to purchase it. I was curious wondering what all the buzz and hype was all about but never enough to actually bring it over to the counter and dig out cash for it.
No. I'm just as perplexed as everybody else out there over the huge hoo haa. Titanic, Harry Potter, LOTR, what?. Tsk...tsk..
So I didn't bother with the movie. Even when hubby downloaded it and suggested I watched it when we're at Sunway Pyramid during the kids' school holidays and we're lazing around in the hotel room after an enormous lunch earlier. He knew I love chick flicks because it wouldn't take up much disk space since I only watched once and he can happily erase it and replace it with another slapstick no brainer.
I didn't think much about it at first. Just another teen movie. An angsty, brooding vampire and a pale-faced 17 year old. So?
Almost a year later, while debating whether I should go to work or not and decided not to, hubby happily declared that he has downloaded the sequel to that angsty vampire movie. For lack of nothing better to do, I just sat on the sofa and watched. Hrumph, dishy werewolves, yummy. A phone call from a frantic colleague made me decide to run back to the office but not before I watched the cliff-hanger and go WTF? Urgh.
Months later, hubby offered to transfer some movies into my iphone. I suggested that angsty vampire movie since I didn't get to see it much since the TV at home is on permanent "Kids-in-charge" mode, I thought it would while away the time in the MRT from Pioneer to Tanah Merah (I have to do audit in another campus the next day).
And Wham!! It was then that I became hooked. Maybe it's the only time I can concentrate on the movie without constant interruption. Maybe it's the constant 'not enough money' worries hanging over my head or maybe it's just Edward Cullen. But whatever the excuse might be, I was dragged into that world, kicking and screaming albeit reluctantly.
I became even more depressed. I was very quiet at home. I set about my work mechanically. I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids, I send them to school but my happiest moment will be turning on the ipod apps in my phone in the bus and live that moment with Bella and Edward.
I thought I was sick. Maybe I'm having Obsessive Twilight Disorder. I emailed Bayu, a family friend. She was one of those going crazy over this when it first started and I was the one who laughed at her. It was weird but a total relief after writing her a long email describing my symptoms and begging her for a cure. She wrote back, "LOL"-ing good naturedly and told me to sit it out. Time always settles everything, she says. I didn't believe her at first and am horrified to associate myself with the legions of screaming pre pubescent girls all over the world begging Edward to bite them.
So I did what I have to do. I finally made that purchase. That all too famous book with the black cover with a pair of pale hands cradling an apple.
That was my first mistake. I became more attached. It was way, way better than the movie. Maybe because Edward was painted differently. Maybe Bella was very different in the book. It made me want to crawl inside the book and live in it. I've read it twice since. Ok, so I don't declare that I read it like a million times, but hey, I'm still a responsible mum, I have to work and I'm generally, well, responsible. I'm in the third book now and am holding myself back from purchasing the final volume. I desperately need to read it but I think I'll wait for my next pay cheque. Afterall, what am I but a responsible Twilight fan?
Why do I bother so much about a place almost 24 hours away by plane from my own sunny home these days? I don't know. I have no idea what came over me. Maybe it's the stress and the depression I felt lately. Pure escapism so to speak. Something far and remote from the endless pile of mounting bills and forever dodging phone calls from credit card companies baying for my blood.
It surfaced innocently enough. I've seen the book displayed under 'bestseller' in bookstores. I've picked up the thick volume a gazillion times and I've put it down a gazillion times too. I never did have the desire to purchase it. I was curious wondering what all the buzz and hype was all about but never enough to actually bring it over to the counter and dig out cash for it.
No. I'm just as perplexed as everybody else out there over the huge hoo haa. Titanic, Harry Potter, LOTR, what?. Tsk...tsk..
So I didn't bother with the movie. Even when hubby downloaded it and suggested I watched it when we're at Sunway Pyramid during the kids' school holidays and we're lazing around in the hotel room after an enormous lunch earlier. He knew I love chick flicks because it wouldn't take up much disk space since I only watched once and he can happily erase it and replace it with another slapstick no brainer.
I didn't think much about it at first. Just another teen movie. An angsty, brooding vampire and a pale-faced 17 year old. So?
Almost a year later, while debating whether I should go to work or not and decided not to, hubby happily declared that he has downloaded the sequel to that angsty vampire movie. For lack of nothing better to do, I just sat on the sofa and watched. Hrumph, dishy werewolves, yummy. A phone call from a frantic colleague made me decide to run back to the office but not before I watched the cliff-hanger and go WTF? Urgh.
Months later, hubby offered to transfer some movies into my iphone. I suggested that angsty vampire movie since I didn't get to see it much since the TV at home is on permanent "Kids-in-charge" mode, I thought it would while away the time in the MRT from Pioneer to Tanah Merah (I have to do audit in another campus the next day).
And Wham!! It was then that I became hooked. Maybe it's the only time I can concentrate on the movie without constant interruption. Maybe it's the constant 'not enough money' worries hanging over my head or maybe it's just Edward Cullen. But whatever the excuse might be, I was dragged into that world, kicking and screaming albeit reluctantly.
I became even more depressed. I was very quiet at home. I set about my work mechanically. I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids, I send them to school but my happiest moment will be turning on the ipod apps in my phone in the bus and live that moment with Bella and Edward.
I thought I was sick. Maybe I'm having Obsessive Twilight Disorder. I emailed Bayu, a family friend. She was one of those going crazy over this when it first started and I was the one who laughed at her. It was weird but a total relief after writing her a long email describing my symptoms and begging her for a cure. She wrote back, "LOL"-ing good naturedly and told me to sit it out. Time always settles everything, she says. I didn't believe her at first and am horrified to associate myself with the legions of screaming pre pubescent girls all over the world begging Edward to bite them.
So I did what I have to do. I finally made that purchase. That all too famous book with the black cover with a pair of pale hands cradling an apple.
That was my first mistake. I became more attached. It was way, way better than the movie. Maybe because Edward was painted differently. Maybe Bella was very different in the book. It made me want to crawl inside the book and live in it. I've read it twice since. Ok, so I don't declare that I read it like a million times, but hey, I'm still a responsible mum, I have to work and I'm generally, well, responsible. I'm in the third book now and am holding myself back from purchasing the final volume. I desperately need to read it but I think I'll wait for my next pay cheque. Afterall, what am I but a responsible Twilight fan?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
That First Love
I wonder if I hv to pay a fortune for this. Blogging on iPhone. I mean I spent the last three days on the bus to work watching Twilight. Not that I've never seen it before. It's just that the first when I watched it, I just thought that it's another teen movie. Until I started seeing Edward Cullen everywhere. Haha... So I'm playing abstinence here and thought I could just distract myself from clicking the iPod icon on the touchscreen and played the movie from where I left off yesterday.
Today is Thursday Apr 29 2010. Seventeen years ago this very day, it was raining and I had to rescue somene whom I had a deep crush on from the rain the second time that month. Time does this to you. It reminds you that life goes on. It heals the wounds but the memories still remain.
So much for phone blogging in the bus. I think I prefer the normal qwerty keyboard.
Today is Thursday Apr 29 2010. Seventeen years ago this very day, it was raining and I had to rescue somene whom I had a deep crush on from the rain the second time that month. Time does this to you. It reminds you that life goes on. It heals the wounds but the memories still remain.
So much for phone blogging in the bus. I think I prefer the normal qwerty keyboard.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Of Blues, Miracle and Hope.
Thank the Almighty. Remember the Almighty.
We can always plan, HE knows what's in store. Neck deep in credit card debts and the rising cost of living is not an easy feat especially when you work your ass off and nobody gives a shit.
I've been putting off paying the mounting pile of bills and dreading the bus ride to work because I know the minute I tap my card on the scanner, it's going to give off that annoying beeping 'please top up your card' reminder. I worry if my child have enough pocket money and cried inside when he said "it's ok, I still have the $2 you gave me last week".
So I was not my usual self yesterday. Down in the blues with as much enthusiasm for work as watching a snail's olympic. I have no cash in my wallet save for 5 cents which is in Malaysian currency and is as useful as stale curry. My ATM is dry and I've maxed out all my credit cards. In the rush to prepare breakfast for the kids and herding them out of the house that morning, I have forgotten to bring my own lunch which was left steaming at the counter cabinet at home. With 5 cents of Malaysian currency to my name, I sat forlornly in the bus hoping for a miracle.
It came sooner than expected. A colleague gave 2 slices of brownies. It was superb, rich and filling. Enough to last me that morning. By noon, I busied myself with Facebook and trying to ignore the rumbling calling in my tummy.
At 4pm, while rummaging through my side cupboard for stray coins, I found $1 and made my way to the cafeteria. There was a plate with 1 Gendang Kasturi and 1 Harum Manis for 50 cents each. As it was the final 2 piece, the cashier charge me 50 cents for both pieces. Hmm, 2 miracles in less than 5 minutes.
Trudging back to the office, I started wondering about past boyfriends and wondered what their reactions would have been if they were to see me financially broke like this. I started thinking of Tommy and Gina in Bon Jovi's song "Living on a Prayer" I started thinking of my ambitions and dreams and all those things that just didn't turned out the way I planned.
Once at my desk, a colleague called again to remind me that the 'results' were in. It's our code word for 'payslips'. It's performance bonus month and the usual 50% extra would be a much needed welcome. Breathlessly, I waited for the screen to upload and gasp. 85%!!.. Subhanallah....
That gave me enough boost to skip through the rest of the day. Last night, after putting in a few hours longer with the cab, hubby came home and told me how, his target of $300 was not met. Tired, after sending one passenger from the Sentosa Casino to a pub in Kampong Baru, he decided to call it a day with $260. Less than 5 minutes later, he heard an unfamiliar ringtone. The passenger had left his handphone in the backseat. He picked the call and agreed to meet the owner. The thankful guy reached into his packet and gave a note to hubby through the open window. There was a lot of declining and pursuading from both parties before the guy quickly left the note on the passenger seat after a round of thank yous and tapped the side as if to wave the cab off because it's beginning to cause a traffic obstruction on the cramped road. $50.
So many miracles in one day. It was too emotional to be graphic. Words just can't describe it.
Allah is great. May HE forgive my sins and I thank HIM for guiding me. Amin.
We can always plan, HE knows what's in store. Neck deep in credit card debts and the rising cost of living is not an easy feat especially when you work your ass off and nobody gives a shit.
I've been putting off paying the mounting pile of bills and dreading the bus ride to work because I know the minute I tap my card on the scanner, it's going to give off that annoying beeping 'please top up your card' reminder. I worry if my child have enough pocket money and cried inside when he said "it's ok, I still have the $2 you gave me last week".
So I was not my usual self yesterday. Down in the blues with as much enthusiasm for work as watching a snail's olympic. I have no cash in my wallet save for 5 cents which is in Malaysian currency and is as useful as stale curry. My ATM is dry and I've maxed out all my credit cards. In the rush to prepare breakfast for the kids and herding them out of the house that morning, I have forgotten to bring my own lunch which was left steaming at the counter cabinet at home. With 5 cents of Malaysian currency to my name, I sat forlornly in the bus hoping for a miracle.
It came sooner than expected. A colleague gave 2 slices of brownies. It was superb, rich and filling. Enough to last me that morning. By noon, I busied myself with Facebook and trying to ignore the rumbling calling in my tummy.
At 4pm, while rummaging through my side cupboard for stray coins, I found $1 and made my way to the cafeteria. There was a plate with 1 Gendang Kasturi and 1 Harum Manis for 50 cents each. As it was the final 2 piece, the cashier charge me 50 cents for both pieces. Hmm, 2 miracles in less than 5 minutes.
Trudging back to the office, I started wondering about past boyfriends and wondered what their reactions would have been if they were to see me financially broke like this. I started thinking of Tommy and Gina in Bon Jovi's song "Living on a Prayer" I started thinking of my ambitions and dreams and all those things that just didn't turned out the way I planned.
Once at my desk, a colleague called again to remind me that the 'results' were in. It's our code word for 'payslips'. It's performance bonus month and the usual 50% extra would be a much needed welcome. Breathlessly, I waited for the screen to upload and gasp. 85%!!.. Subhanallah....
That gave me enough boost to skip through the rest of the day. Last night, after putting in a few hours longer with the cab, hubby came home and told me how, his target of $300 was not met. Tired, after sending one passenger from the Sentosa Casino to a pub in Kampong Baru, he decided to call it a day with $260. Less than 5 minutes later, he heard an unfamiliar ringtone. The passenger had left his handphone in the backseat. He picked the call and agreed to meet the owner. The thankful guy reached into his packet and gave a note to hubby through the open window. There was a lot of declining and pursuading from both parties before the guy quickly left the note on the passenger seat after a round of thank yous and tapped the side as if to wave the cab off because it's beginning to cause a traffic obstruction on the cramped road. $50.
So many miracles in one day. It was too emotional to be graphic. Words just can't describe it.
Allah is great. May HE forgive my sins and I thank HIM for guiding me. Amin.
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