I probably shouldn't be so pissed off by it. Heck, it's not even in my place to comment. I have no right but I just can't help bitching about it.
It's been years and we have our own lives now. We have drifted so far apart, the only memories left are the bunch of photographs at the bottom of the shoebox of us cam-whoring (oh yes, back in those days when you actually have to purchase a reel of film to take photographs) at every outing we had together. A typical outing being taking bus number 7 from Clementi Interchange to Orchard Road, walk from one end to another, stop at McDonald's (Fillet, small coke, small fries, apple pie/chocolate sundaes (depends on how much allowance we managed to save that week by starving during recess), take the bus back home and be in the house by 7pm like obedient, little girls. But that's another trip down memory lane.
We don't have perfect stories to tell but let's just say that among the 3 of us, perhaps Vin got the best deal. But then again, I have not seen her for the past 10 years, so I wouldn't know how her life turned out to be. Last I heard she's got 4 kids but at least her husband's working a full time job.
Ida was the oldest among us (by mere months). She got married first. I was sceptical of the union but she was happy so we let her have her bubble and practically dropped out of her life. It didn't work out. After 10 childless years, she suffered a miscarriage, went through an emotionally painful process of getting her womb removed, divorced and almost driven to bankruptcy by that no good M*&^ F$#*& asshole husband of hers. Still, she's the smartest among us and probably earned a higher annual income than me and Vin put together. Well, Vin's annual income would be practically zero because she was and still is (?) a full-time housewife and my income tax returns would probably look pathetic next to Ida's. Anyway, that's not why I'm scratching an itch here.
I caught Ida on Facebook. The ultimate people finder. Well, she caught me because I was using my Real name. I mean how the hell am I supposed to figure out that TweLooP lOaplooa125 used to sit beside me during History back in 1988? But, I digress.
We were practically cyber-jumping up and down after we added each other. And then I realise why it's really such a bad idea. Number 1, the husband who wanted me to be on facebook will never, ever be comfortable around my friends. So that means no gatherings over coffee, no tete-a-tete at a local joint or a rendezvous with 'the girls' or anybody from my past before the turn of the century. Yes, that's right. I am an alien with no past, no history, no friends and no family. My husband made sure of that. It has always been his friends, his family, his past and his stories. My coming in would be too much. My greatest fear is to meet anyone (classmates, tuition mates, school mates, postman's mates, the local bakery owner's sister) on the streets when I'm out with him. After a few stilted exchange of how-do-you-dos and him flashing his fake smile he would turn to me and say "eww, so ugly/fat/hideous" or whatever negative word of the moment that comes to mind as if he's Mr Perfect Pants himself.
Again, I'm derailing.
Ok, before I crash, the reason I'm Miss Itchy Bitchy today is because of Ida's life. I don't envy her one bit. She has the rottennest (really - there is such a word, go look it up) luck. It's not her fault seriously because things just didn't happen for her. Our preteen years saw us growing into full blown women together but while Vin got the looks, Ida got the brains and I was the glue that held us together, I thought I would be the one having issues today. I mean, I was the last one to have sex for crying out loud!
Geez, I should stop straying...urgghh..
So Ida and I resumed our long lost friendship by texting each other during our busy lives. It was not long before she told me about her new husband. I was about to congratulate her on her newfound freedom from Asshole Hubby #1 when she dropped the bomb. I was like "what?!" After what Number 1 did, you'd think she would learn her lesson by now.
Her excuse this time was her mom didn't want her to live life alone and refused to have her in her house. Huh?! (Her first marriage excuse being : "I can't say no because the entourage came all the way from Toa Payoh" )
So she got married. Again.
Maybe, I mean, I can understand about the whole "we need sexual release too" theory but that is a lousy reason to get married again. it's like coming out from the lion's den and into the crocodile's mouth. Husband #2 was, again, not what she bargained for. She's a pathetic bargainer. Seriously. A smart girl who always gets the lousy guys because she lets them rule her life. The same can be said of me but I'd be telling my life story instead.
Ida and I are a full-blooded testament of an emotionally abused wife. We have a lot in common - really. But I thought she would've found her piece of heaven by dissecting herself from Asshole Husband #1. I mean, I would be practically swimming in my own cloud of heavenly freedom from such an ass myself.
But no, she has to fall for another asshole. Hard.
Ok, Husband #2 topped the looks department. Compared to #1 who is downright ugly - like seriously and is a (did I say it just now?) pompous ass, Husband #2 looked fairly decent - if you're into those boyish-aged-very-well type. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage and is still paying maintenance to an equally hard-assed ex who demanded more everytime they crossed path (which is quite often).
So here we have my poor friend, already suffering from post-divorced trauma found herself saddled with:-
(1) Asshole Husband #1's credit card debts (under her name of course)
(2) Getting laid off from work and then having to earn half her usual salary from her current job
(3) Settling Asshole Husband #2 debts
(4) Settling Asshole Husband #2 unpaid taxi rentals (He used to drive cabs)
(5) Paying Banks for current debts
(6) Paying friends for current debts
(7) Paying for the car (it's not even an off-peak car)
(8) Paying Child Maintenance of Asshole Husband # 2's kids. WTF? !!? it's not even her own kids for goodness sake!
But she appears happy. So I am happy for her but I still think he (who shall not be named) is the happier one because he's literally shooting fishes in a bucket. This was before she started whining and complaining about that particular man in her life. I wanted to snap at her but all I felt was pity. I mean, we all make mistakes. Me included. But at least I have my kids to distract myself with if all that life can give me right now is kickass sex which is not very often but I should at least be thankful.
Anyway what made me snap is when I saw pictures of him (we're still talking about Asshole Husband #2 here) in front of Big Ben, London Bridge, the Coloseum, every other stadium in Europe and anywhere else that you only get to see on postcards, the internet and 100 places you want to see before you die.
Generally, I don't go mad at holiday photos plastered all over my FB newspage. I'm not a jealous person per se. I'm terified of flying. But I know that they're not on holiday with Ida's current paycheck. They don't even own a house here (they currently leave in a rented apartment in JB because with Ida's income and his NO income, the bank records don't look too good).
Ida's job required her to go on business trips and travel to Europe for seminars and meetings. She is good at it. Her post divorce pictures consists of happy smiles in front of that stadium housing Arsenal Football Club.
Somehow, that smile didn't quite reach her eyes during the last three (three??!!) trips there. She did mentioned after that first post marriage business trip that they only had bread and sometimes skip meals because they're literally broke. I understand. Ida normally have to fork out her own money first before she comes back home and wait for the company to reimburse her expenses.
So while he's there posing with Big Ben and the National Guards and generally literally shouting to everyone back home (especially the hard-assed ex) that "I WAS HERE!!!", my poor friend has to slave at the hotel room doing her report and generally working her ass off and coming home to a reimbursement of HALF her expenses there. What? You think the company is going to foot her husband's bills and fare trip as well? What were you thinking?!!
The second trip is even better. She footed her husband's fare PLUS her two step sons' as well. I was literally crying for her. Oh he can go all holier-than-thou and spout goodness quotes on his status (eg, Just want to show the kids that the caucasions are not necessarily superior and that we should embrace the culture of others bla bla bla)- honestly how vomit inducing can one get?
With Ida's current financial situation, you'd think that he would have the brains to let her go on the trip alone. Afterall, she was the one who put food in his stomach, a roof over his head, and paid for the car through her nose. But no, he has to tag along. He has to be there and show off that 'he can go to all these places" in his facebook wall. He was not encouraging when Ida wanted to quit her job because he secretly love the trips abroad.
I may be shooting through my foot here but I felt utterly helpless at the whole situation. My friend, like me, let the men in our lives rule us. We became their puppet, bowing to their every whim. Working our assess off because all the nice guys are taken and we're too ugly to be choosy.
Everytime he posted pictures of them in their wall (they share the same FB account - thus my decision not to post anything at their wall) and to the special places for their meals (extra special if the 2 sons came along), my heart would break at what Ida will be getting on her bill because of course, she will be the one to PAY! But i can understand where she's coming from. Unable to bear a child, she showers her attention to 2 late teenagers. I just wish those boys know how to repay back Ida's kindness. She deserves much more that the shit thrown at her every other day.
