Am sad
Very sad
No! I'm not sad
I'm furious.
Angry.
In fact, I'm hoppin' mad.
She was a good person. She was there when I needed someone to talk to. She helped me financially when I'm in need. She's smart and works hard for her family.
I was rooting for her to complete her diploma part time to upgrade herself. I know she's smart and she's one of the best performers in her batch. It must have been in her genes because her sons are equally smart too.
Thing is...
I have not been promoted for the past 14 years. I have reached my level ceiling and have been rotting ever since. I don't want to complain as I have been "languishing" these past few years, rejecting projects and opportunities as I can see that I will not be able to commit 100% on it. I just had a new baby and what with every thing on my shoulders, be it at home and work, I just don't have enough time to chase new projects to earn a good appraisal and a reason for promotion.
In a nutshell, I am aware of my limitations and I do not regret one bit. I am thankful for what I have for the time being.
She on the other hand had just completed a diploma. What with emplacement and stuff, she end up at Grade 6 with one more year of increment to go before hitting the ceiling and joining the ranks of rotting corpse like me, unless she gets a promotion to Grade 5 which will be another story.
And so I spent the entire year consoling her and telling her to be patient and wait out the year for another increment. I comforted her when she was down and complained that her bosses will not consider a promotion for her. I was there for her emotionally when she wanted to resign as she was disappointed with the 'system'.
Until I had a text from her one morning..and that was when I started simmering..steaming ...boiling...
Let me get something straight. If her boss would come down and ask me if she deserved a promotion. I would be the first person to say a resounding "Yes". She deserves it, she worked hard for it and yes, she better get promoted to Grade 5. But something was not quite right the minute I got the text.
She: Eh, check out the new payslip. The pay is slightly more this month
Me: No...I checked my bank online at 2am last night, still the same amount.
She: Cannot be. It's slightly more. You go have a look.
Me: If the payslip says more, than why is my account the same as any other month?
She: Strange..
(This is when it gets a bit annoying because she was insisting and I was getting irritated because I was on leave and in the supermarket trying to weigh the cauliflower while lugging a bag of diapers in one hand and trying to text her at the same time)
Me: There will not be any increment if you hit ceiling. Unless you get promotion because April is the increment month for our organisation.
She: But I get $175 more this month.
Me: You mean you already got promoted?
She: No ..that was last year.
Me: ?What? I don't understand.
She: I got promoted to Grade 5 last year. My first boss put me up for it. My second boss did not approve but my first boss fight for it.
Me: (Fingers trembling) Then, it means you get your increment. So from now on, you will get $175 every April till you hit Grade 5's ceiling.
She: Oh.
Me:
Did I tell you she was smart? She knows everything before everybody else. She reads all the circulars, so of all the things she should be aware about would be what an increment means.
I was numb for the rest of the day. I am not jealous. Far from it. I was shocked that throughout the time when she was 'down' I was the one telling her to be thankful and take to it easy when all this while, she already got that promotion.
I felt like someone had stabbed my back and twisted the knife. Hard.
It's like when you get 10/100 for your maths test and your friend sitting next to you knows that you flunked the test and she comes to your desk, flinging her 98/100 test paper down and go "Why do you think I cannot get 100 huh? What do you think?".
Or when your supermodel-bodied friends paraded their dress in front of you at the department store and threw "I look so fat" "Does this makes me look huge?" statements at you who looks like a water buffalo in almost everything.
I am not envious. This is far from being jealous because jealousy is when I worked harder than her and she gets it instead.
I felt cheated, embarrassed, humiliated. The text is like telling me "Hey, this is just telling you that I will get more money from now on and I'm just feigning ignorance because I don't know how else to tell you that I finally got that promotion".
That's it.
Guess I won't be lunching with her anytime soon.
